Breaking: Taylor Swift Bids Farewell to Music, “I’m Tired of The Crticism And Being Called Woke”

In a stunning development that’s rocked the bedrock of pop culture, Taylor Swift, the songstress known for her ability to turn heartbreaks into platinum records, has announced her retirement from music. Swift declared she’s hanging up her guitar and glittery outfits to escape the relentless branding of ‘woke’ and to evade the sharp arrows of public criticism that have increasingly targeted her over her illustrious career.

As the world adjusts to a less Swiftian rhythm, the ultimate irony remains that Taylor Swift’s attempt to escape criticism has only made her more discussed, tweeted about, and ironically, listened to. In her silence, she’s louder than ever; in her absence, she’s everywhere – a true testament to her superstar status. Perhaps, in the end, Taylor’s greatest escape act from the labels and the limelight will be her final and most successful reinvention: Taylor Swift, the artist you can neither see nor hear, but can’t stop talking about.